Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'd cum for enchiladas.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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