he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
