Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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