It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dick very happy bro
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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