a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
