He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
