Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
