forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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