I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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