you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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