Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
