Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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