I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
