i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
