She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
