I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
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I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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