I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
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What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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