Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Rumble strips road head = magical
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
