I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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