tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
