We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
