so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
