Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
