i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
