Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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