Everything about him screamed your future.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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