The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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