I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
