He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
