I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
