girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
