Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize