And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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