are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
