so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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