okay pat passed out under dana's car
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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