Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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