You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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