just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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