now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
