i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
