trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
