omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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