it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Randomize
