Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
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I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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