I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
