We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
