If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
