I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
