You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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