I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You made out with two different species that night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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