he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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