Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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