Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
