I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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