i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize