Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
