We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
