guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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