why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
