eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just high enough for therapy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
