Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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