Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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