she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
