this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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