His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
