Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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