Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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