Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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