I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
