you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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