I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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