I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I could fuck to npr.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
