i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wear drunk well.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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