remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less talking, more tequila
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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