TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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