I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
