she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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