I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
