There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
