I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
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