I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
