someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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