Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
