Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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