he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
