You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
