If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
