Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
